JAMtime

Great article by Kurt Drees, Heritage Builders- check it out!

The Most Important 15 Minutes Of Your Child’s Day

There were two things that I’ve felt guilty about since becoming a dad 8 years ago. They overshadowed most of the joy that a dad was supposed to have. They made me feel angry, then guilty most days. You probably fight it too if you have young children. The two battles are: fighting to get the kids to bed and feeling guilty that I was not growing closer with my kids. But six months ago I stumbled across something that would change my family’s life forever. The discovery would overcome both of these frustrations. Was I too stubborn not to see it before?

Here’s how the story unfolds: Bedtime was a power struggle. The kids would push; I would push. I would yell; they would yell. They would get angry; I would get angry. All I wanted was to get them to go to sleep — Was that asking too much? The sooner they got to sleep, the sooner I could get on with the loose ends from my day (work, TV, internet, etc.). I’d hear constant excuse after excuse about needing a drink, being scared, needing to go to the bathroom, or hearing noises. They would come out of their room – I would yell to get them back into bed. I don’t remember my parents yelling so much. My parents had it figured out — Why was it so hard for me to figure it out? Yes, the kids eventually went to bed feeling worn out, angry, and sad. Yet I was glad to be rid of them for the day! Why did my kids have to act like this?  ! Why did I have to act like this? ! It wasn’t my fault …was it?

The next night, it seemed that God guided me down a different path — a quieter, peaceful, more loving path. Yes, this night I had succumbed to something that I told myself I would never do — I’d lay down with each of them for 15 minutes. They both grinned, thinking that finally I had acquiesced. I initiated this new experience with my 7 year old. At the start of his 15 minutes, I asked if he wanted to turn the light off and try and go to sleep, or perhaps read a book, or listen to a CD. Of course he didn’t choose the first option; he choose the “read a book” option. I asked him if he wanted to read his dinosaur book or read through this new book God’s Great News for Children. He went with the new book. We read a chapter about how Mary found out that she had a baby growing in her belly, and how her and Joseph were looking for a place to have baby Jesus. At the end of the 15 minutes, I said that his time was up and that I needed to get his older brother to bed. After he checked the clock to make sure I didn’t cheat him of any minutes, he wanted to have what he coined the “Grand Finale Hug” – a big bear hug dotted with tickles. So far my experiment was working great. We had fun, we learned Biblical Truth and we grew together rather than apart. So far this experiment was working!

Next up was my more difficult 8 year old. He was anxiously waiting his 15 minutes of “Dad laying down with me” time. As I rub his little back, I ask “What did you do today that was the most fun?” This gets him talking about things that he encountered in his day — things I wouldn’t have normally known about. After several minutes, he winds down and I give him a big hug and say, “I sure love this kid!” while I give him a good tickle. He laughs hesitantly, knowing that his 15 minutes are almost over. Wanting to extend the 15 minutes, he starts talking and opening up more and more — asking things like:

“Can God see me right now?”

“Can people in heaven see us now?”

“How old were you when you first really liked a girl?”

All these questions presented an opportunity to become intentional in sharing Biblical Truth with my little “built-in“ disciple. A soul that God had entrusted to me to teach God’s Great Truths. I need to be careful though, because the instant that it sounds like I’m trying to tell him to do something, he stops listening. So instead I tell him the lesson or principle that I learned when I had similar questions like he had. I can almost hear his mind absorbing the Truth. As our 15 minutes come to an end, I verbalize a prayer that finishes with telling God how thankful I am that “I have such a great son.” I tell my son that it is now my bedtime and give him a bone crushing body hug. As I leave the room, he says “Dad, I’m not tired. I don‘t want to go to sleep.” Then I think God spoke through me because I’m sure not smart enough to come up with this response — I say “Son, you don’t have to sleep right now, but you do need to be in your bed with the light off. You can go to sleep whenever you want to as long as I don’t hear or see you anymore tonight. I’m tired and I’m done watching kids for the day. Good night! I love you buddy.” Did he have a comeback? I don’t know for sure because I kept on walking to my room.

That night, I walked upstairs a blessed dad. Bedtime was enjoyable. I shared a little bit of Truth with my kids. I grew closer with them. There were no bedtime fights. No yelling. No hurt feelings. The peace of God was so strong that there was no room for anger. This routine has continued everyday for the last 180 days. Bedtime is no longer a power struggle, and I am growing closer to my boys everyday. My prayers have been answered — I’m being used by God to impact my kids.